What NOT to Say to Someone With Cancer

Sometimes silence is better than the wrong words

Insights for Empowerment

People mean well. I know they do. But some things that sound supportive actually hurt.

If someone you love has cancer, here’s what NOT to say—and what to say instead.

What Doesn’t Help

“Everything happens for a reason.” Cancer doesn’t happen for a reason. It just happens. Don’t try to make sense of senseless suffering.

Better: “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

“You’re so strong / You’ve got this!” Sometimes we don’t feel strong. Sometimes we’re terrified. Don’t put us on a pedestal we didn’t ask for.

Better: “It’s okay to not be okay. I’m here either way.”

“At least they caught it early.” We know. But it’s still cancer. It’s still terrifying. Don’t minimize it.

Better: “I’m so glad they found it, and I’m here to support you through treatment.”

“My [aunt/friend/coworker] had breast cancer and she’s fine now.” Every cancer journey is different. Comparisons don’t help.

Better: “Every journey is different. What do you need right now?”

“Have you tried [insert diet/treatment/cure]?” We have doctors. We don’t need unsolicited medical advice.

Better: “I trust you and your medical team are making the best decisions.”

“Let me know if you need anything.” This puts the burden on us to ask when we’re already overwhelmed.

Better: “I’m bringing dinner Thursday at 6pm, unless you tell me not to.”

What Actually Helps

• “I’m here.”

• “You don’t have to be strong right now.”

• “I’m thinking of you.”

• Showing up with specific help

• Sitting in silence when words fail

• Being consistent weeks and months later

Conclusion

You don’t have to say the perfect thing. Just don’t say the harmful thing. And when in doubt, just be present. That’s enough.

Encouraging Nuggets

Remember:

• Your presence matters more than your words

• Specific help beats vague offers

• Don’t compare journeys

• Don’t minimize fear

• Just show up